Every few years, an email of "children's book titles you will never see" makes the rounds. Among the titles of these unpublished classics are Mommy and Daddy Got Divorced Because You Were Bad and Take Candy from Strangers and Get in Their Cars.
I am feeling a bit punchy after editing a 700-page manuscript (a labor of love, but I'm going to bed at 8 p.m. tonight and don't plan on waking up until Monday morning) so I have decided to put forth my list of Top Mystery Titles You Will Never See Published.
Top Twenty Never-to-Be-Published Mysteries
by Agatho
1. Stephanie Plum Learns a Lesson, by Janet Evanovich
2. Puppy Dogs and Lollipops, by Ken Bruen
3. The Slender Ladies' Detective Agency, by Alexander McCall Smith
4. I Wrote This Book, by James Patterson
5. A Fucking Murder in Three Pines, by Louise Penny
6. The Detective's Guide to Humility, by Hercule Poirot
7. Herman Cain for President, by Ruth Rendell
8. Hero Arrives Too Late to Save Irish-American Heroine, by Mary Higgins Clark
9. My American Upbringing, by Elizabeth George
10. No Brand Names, by Stephen King
11. Eve Dallas Gets Divorced, by J.D. Robb
12. Peabody is the Chocolate Thief, by Nora Roberts
13. Happily Ever After, by Margaret Yorke
14. The Sixth Virtue, by Lawrence Sanders
15. The Man Who Outsmarted Jane Whitefield, by Thomas Perry
16. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Patricia Cornwell
17. Adam Dalgliesh, NASCAR Hero, by P.D. James
18. My Last Book, by Joyce Carol Oates (a/k/a Lauren Kelly, Rosamond Smith)
19. Kitten Prey, by John Sanford
20. Down with Journalists, by Laura Lippman
Those were truly funny. Kitten Prey! Hilarious!
Posted by: ccc | December 03, 2011 at 08:39 AM
A great list for a morning smile. Thanks!
Posted by: Theresa de Valence | December 05, 2011 at 12:21 PM
Oh, this is incredibly funny! Thank you!!
Posted by: Margot Kinberg | December 10, 2011 at 06:33 PM
very good indeed, thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Maxine | December 11, 2011 at 06:52 AM
Have to share this. Nascar Hero... Thank you!
Posted by: Bobbi Mumm | December 12, 2011 at 01:06 PM