Mystery Titles You'll Never See

Every few years, an email of "children's book titles you will never see" makes the rounds. Among the titles of these unpublished classics are Mommy and Daddy Got Divorced Because You Were Bad and Take Candy from Strangers and Get in Their Cars.

I am feeling a bit punchy after editing a 700-page manuscript (a labor of love, but I'm going to bed at 8 p.m. tonight and don't plan on waking up until Monday morning) so I have decided to put forth my list of Top Mystery Titles You Will Never See Published.

Top Twenty Never-to-Be-Published Mysteries

by Agatho

1. Stephanie Plum Learns a Lesson, by Janet Evanovich

2. Puppy Dogs and Lollipops, by Ken Bruen

3. The Slender Ladies' Detective Agency, by Alexander McCall Smith

4. I Wrote This Book, by James Patterson

5. A Fucking Murder in Three Pines, by Louise Penny

6. The Detective's Guide to Humility, by Hercule Poirot

7. Herman Cain for President, by Ruth Rendell

8. Hero Arrives Too Late to Save Irish-American Heroine, by Mary Higgins Clark

9. My American Upbringing, by Elizabeth George

10. No Brand Names, by Stephen King

11. Eve Dallas Gets Divorced, by J.D. Robb

12. Peabody is the Chocolate Thief, by Nora Roberts

13. Happily Ever After, by Margaret Yorke

14. The Sixth Virtue, by Lawrence Sanders

15. The Man Who Outsmarted Jane Whitefield, by Thomas Perry

16. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Patricia Cornwell

17. Adam Dalgliesh, NASCAR Hero, by P.D. James

18. My Last Book, by Joyce Carol Oates (a/k/a Lauren Kelly, Rosamond Smith)

19. Kitten Prey, by John Sanford

20. Down with Journalists, by Laura Lippman

 

 

 

Comments

[ccc]

Those were truly funny. Kitten Prey! Hilarious!

[Theresa de Valence]

A great list for a morning smile. Thanks!

[Margot Kinberg]

Oh, this is incredibly funny! Thank you!!

[Maxine]

very good indeed, thanks for the laugh!

[Bobbi Mumm]

Have to share this. Nascar Hero... Thank you!